Home

"Surprise! I'm home!" That was one of the phrases I used the most over the past week...I found out back in June that Mercy Ships was going to let the nurses go home during the ship's generator project in South Africa since the hospital was going to be closed and they weren't going to be needing us for the eye and dental teams (which is what they originally thought they could use the nurses for in SA, but they ended up having enough people without us)....that meant that I would have 3 1/2 months to go home, see family and friends, and get ready for the next year in Sierra Leone (I'm going back in January for the whole outreach).


So, I decided back in June that I'd just come home and surprise everyone...after all, who doesn't love surprises! I only told my sister Joy, who picked me up from the airport last friday when I flew in...we had devised a plan together to have her birthday party the day after I came home so that we could just show up at my parent's house together and surprise all my family at the same time!


Friday, as my plane came into Phoenix, it was very surreal to look at the window and realize that I was home. I was so excited that I could barely stay in my seat...but at the same time, there was a part of me that was fearful for the unknown...I was here, but I wasn't sure what the next 3 1/2 months would hold...


The surprise went well (although it ended up being 3 or 4 separate surprises because of course everyone in my family showed up at different times! :)...there were lots of hugs, a few tears (mostly from my mom...I had a feeling she'd be happy to see me :) and of course a few looks of shock and confusion...one of my favorite moments was when my nephew walked in and saw me, came straight into my arms, started stroking my hair and then held my face and said "I knew you'd come back"...."Of course I came back sweetie," I told him...but then, I guess 8 months seems like an eternity to a 3-year old who can't grasp the concept that he can't ride his bike to Africa to come visit (although he did tell me at one point that he was going to do that!)


I had a great time with my family that day, followed by more fun surprises at church on Sunday night when I just walked in and saw lots of old friends, most of whom had no idea that I was going to be there...it was a fun reunion!


So, it's been a little over a week now that I've been back and while it's been great to see friends and family, there has been a mixture of emotions that have gone through me during this time....I really didn't experience the typical "culture shock" that you expect to have coming back from Africa...I experienced that in South Africa, where I stared in awe at the nice cars, big shopping malls, and all the white people...so, being in a more "westernized" culture in South Africa for a few weeks before coming back helped me transition in that sense...


But, on the other hand, it's always strange to come to a place that you call "home" and find that it isn't quite the way you left it...I know I expected myself to change in Africa, but I guess I didn't really think too much about all the changes that would happen at home...of course, I knew that it wouldn't be exactly the same, but it just kind of hit me all at once...all the new faces at church (I've been going here for 5 years and I don't know half the people anymore!), friends are engaged, married, pregnant, etc....groups of friends have changed, people have changed, families have grown, friends have moved, and my favorite worship leader doesn't sing at my 11am service anymore! I have no idea what people are talking about when they refer to the latest movies, songs, and local news...everything that once seemed so familiar has all of a sudden become a bit foreign and I find myself a little lost in the mix of it all...


You always think that coming "home" will bring a sense of familiarity and comfort, which it has...but, at the same time, there are days that I just want to curl up in my bunk bed and be rocked to sleep by the gentle movement of the ship...or go down the hall and knock on a friend's door and hang out, play games in our mid-ships lounge, tie a crying black baby on my back, or take a ride on a zimi through the dirty, crowded city streets...to me, that crazy, foreign life became familiar and comfortable in Togo...and while there are definitely certain aspects that I don't miss, I do feel like I left a part of my heart in Africa with my "Mercy Ships family" who are still there, my Togolese friends and patients, and inside my big white metal box that I have called "home" for the last 8 months...


Don't get me wrong, I am happy to be back in Arizona...It's been great to see my family and friends and I have been blown away by how supportive and receptive people have been in letting me share about my experiences in Africa...it has been so encouraging to have so many people who genuinely care about what Africa was like, what I was doing on the ship, experiences I had, etc....even people I barely know! That has really helped me to process things a little more and adjust to being back...It has been really great to hear all the "new" songs on the radio (we couldn't download music in Africa), jump in the car and drive (I REALLY missed driving!), and have freedom to go wherever whenever again (and I don't even have to scan out when I leave home ha ha).


But, when you are really busy working and helping people, developing deep relationships with friends (the same ones you live with, work with, travel with, and hang out with almost 24/7), and you are a part of something that is life-changing for others, it is easy to feel purpose and direction in your life...I think the best word to describe the last 8 months of my life would be: full. It has been so fulfilling serving God, seeing lives changed, and developing so many deep relationships with some really amazing people from all over the world.


So, over the last week I've been asking God to show me my purpose in being home...What is it he wants me to do? What is it He wants to teach me? How does He want to use me? I feel like I'm just waiting right now...waiting on a job (things are looking hopeful, but still up in the air with my old hospital), waiting for the next step, waiting to hear His voice...but, then, God reminded me through His word this week that "Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength" (Isaiah 40:31) I think that waiting is actually much harder than doing...I tell God "I'd rather be busy serving than just waiting around for something, Lord"...but, as hard as it may be, I had a friend remind me that "He makes me lie down" (Psalm 23) for a reason...So, for now, I'm waiting on the Lord, allowing Him to refresh my soul, and trusting Him to bring purpose to this short season of my life before I go back to Africa...I know He has a purpose...He always does...and in His time, I know that He'll make it known to me and I'll look back and see that this season of my life has been just as full as the last.