When I began my adventure of moving to Africa, committing to two years with Mercy Ships seemed like such an overwhelming commitment. They always say that it goes by fast, but now that I find myself at the end of it all, I realize just how true that is. The day I left Africa, my roommate asked me if I was ready to leave. I had to say "no." Africa has captured my heart and the ship has become my home...how could I be ready to leave such an amazing place!
It has been in this beautiful place that I have seen the face of Christ like never before. I have seen it in the pain of a hurting woman who can't hide her tumor or shame, the brokenness of parents on their knees, crying out to God for their child to experience a miracle, and in the pain of a husband who doesn't know if his wife will live to see another day. I have seen it in the joy of a child walking with straight legs for the first time, the bright eyes of a mother whose daughter is finally smiling again after years of being ridiculed for her condition, and the songs of parents who have seen a miracle take place before their eyes.
It is so easy to talk about the power and love of Christ, but it is a completely different thing to experience it. When I left for Africa, I was determined to make a difference and to help those who were in need. I wanted to be obedient to God and his calling on my life to serve Him in missions. But, I hadn't realized that in "changing the world," I was the one who actually needed to be changed the most. I interacted with people who had next to nothing, yet bigger smiles and louder songs than anyone I have ever met...the source of their joy was always Christ. I was so humbled by the patients, day volunteers, and crew members who lived out the example of what it truly means to have "abundant life" in Christ.
In light of all I saw and experienced, I became aware of my own selfishness, pride, and lack of faith. What difference could I make when I was the one who needed to be changed? And yet, in the midst of feeling inadequate and unworthy to be used by God, He so gently began the process of shaping me and molding me into who He wanted me to become. He also chose to use me to impact the lives of many children and parents from all different faiths and walks of life, in both big ways and small. I have cherished every smile, song, hug, and kiss of each child that God has brought into my life. I have shared in their sadness and hurting when the pain was almost too hard to bear. We have danced, laughed, prayed, and cried together, but in the end we had to say goodbye. I am so grateful that God revealed Himself to me through those children and that He has used my experiences to begin to shape me into who He wants me to be.
It's been over three weeks since I left Africa. I've enjoyed the last few weeks that I've been able to travel around Europe, visit friends from the ship, and reminisce about our experiences together. Tomorrow I will fly across the ocean back to my other home in America. But, I haven't even hit American soil yet and there is already a longing in my heart to go back to Africa. Here in London, I have found myself wandering to the African exhibits at the British Museum so that I can feel a little piece of my home in Sierra Leone. I get excited about anything or anyone that makes me think of that place. The other day, I found myself thanking God for another reminder of Africa. I met a Nigerian mother at the train station who had her little black baby wrapped snugly on her back with an African lapa. Every little thing that reminds me of that beautiful continent seems to beckon me to go back. I know that I will. God has given me a love too deep and a calling too strong not to go.
But, for now I am going to America...I'm not sure that I feel ready to re-enter life there, but ready or not, I will do it. As I was thinking today about all the changes that lie before me, I was reminded of the story of Joshua and the Israelites after they crossed the Jordan River. They made a point to set up an altar of stones as a monument to remember God's faithfulness to them in the wilderness. The people took time to reflect on all that God had already done for them before they moved forward into battle. And while there are a lot of exciting things about going home, I know it will also be a battle...going back to "normal life" is never easy when you've seen how exciting and fulfilling life can be in an extraordinary place like West Africa.
So, before I walk into this new year and new season of my life, I am reminded of the importance of remembering all that God has done. He has been faithful. He has carried me through many high's and low's. He has walked beside me in the times that I found myself in the wilderness and has rejoiced with me when my heart was so full of joy that it felt ready to explode. He has been my sufficiency when I felt inadequate, my peace when I felt restless, and my hope when I couldn't see the silver lining in the clouds. And so, with great expectation, I am heading into this new season knowing that "He is able to do immeasurably more than all that we ask or imagine, according to His power at work within us" (Ephesians 3:20). I can't wait to see all that He has in store for 2012!
