Blessed

Over the last couple months that I've been home, there have been so many times that I have found myself so overwhelmed by God's goodness to me and His blessings in my life. Last week, as I celebrated Thanksgiving with my family, I was reminded once again of how much God has given me. It has been such a gift to have this time at home with my family, to spend time with my precious nieces and nephews, catch up with old friends, make new friends, and have my old job back at Phoenix Children's Hospital. 

It has been fun taking care of patients in the "western" setting again, despite the fact that there are many days that I have to really pray that God will give me patience with the high maintenance patients and parents that I take care of on occasion (You know, like the ones who are demanding for one thing after another and then complain that they didn't get enough ice in their water...there's always that temptation to tell them there are plenty of people in the world who don't even have clean water, but then I realize that I need to show grace to people who might not have that perspective just as God has shown grace to me). It has been amazing sharing with my coworkers about my experiences in Africa and encouraging them to get involved too! I've been surprised that even some of the doctors and nurses I didn't know very well before I left have shown interest in what I did in Africa, asked to see pictures, or requested more information about Mercy Ships. It always excites me when other people catch the vision....even if they aren't necessarily ready to pack up and move to Africa, it is so refreshing when I see other people open their eyes to what is going on in other parts of the world and want to do something about it! 

I have also really enjoyed the opportunity to do some traveling since I've been home. In October, I got to go down to Mexico with the ministry I used to work with (Love Walks). It was so fun to see lots of old friends down there and I was surprised and touched that a lot of the kids (even the younger ones!) remembered me! In November, I was able to attend a medical missions conference in Kentucky and had a fun reunion there with several of the nurses I knew from the ship who also came out for the conference. After the conference, I was able to spend a few days with Jen (one of my best friends from the ship) and then went to Nashville to spend a few days with my cousins. Last weekend, I got to travel down to California with my dad to see our extended family in the San Diego area and had a great time with everyone there. I was even able to see two friends from the ship who are currently working in San Diego and another friend who used to work with me in Flagstaff, who now lives down there. 

So, while things have been busy with travel, work, and catching up with friends and family, this has been such a fruitful and refreshing time for me. Lots of times, people will ask me if I miss Africa and the ship...and the answer is always yes and no...while I do miss it, I am so thankful to be home and I want to be fully present during the time that I'm at home. So, even though I am excited to be back in Africa next year and looking forward to seeing all my friends back at the ship, I am soaking in every moment that I am here, enjoying the beautiful blessings that God has poured out on me in Phoenix.

God's perfect timing

Well, it has been a little over two weeks that I've been home now and while that may not seem like a very long time, it seems REALLY long when I'm used to being super busy with work, ministry, and social activities day in and day out....then, suddenly life slows down and I don't have a job to go to every day, fewer social activities, and quieter days. God keeps reminding me that He wants me to "be still and know that He is God."

But to be honest, I have been a little restless...I tell God that I want to be DOING something...week one was ok, week two got harder, and by the time I hit week three, I sort of just hit a wall...I had been in contact with the manager of the department I was hoping to go back to at Phoenix Children's and then suddenly there was silence...a whole week of silence...I started to question why God had brought me home, where he wanted me, and why nothing was happening....You're probably thinking "But it hasn't even been three weeks yet...just wait!" But, I have realized even more through this that waiting is a huge challenge for me...

Over the last few weeks, one verse keeps coming back to me: "They who wait for the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings like eagles; they shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint." (Isaiah 40:31)...It seems like I haven't been able to get away from this verse...I've come across it in devotional readings, heard it on the radio, and even had someone pray that verse over my life at church...By that time, I was saying "Ok, God, I get the point...I need to wait." He also really struck me with Isaiah 64:4 "No eye has seen a God besides you, who acts for those who wait for Him."

So, I have to admit, I'm not so good at waiting (if you haven't already noticed)...But, even in the waiting, I know that God has good things in store for me...I was talking to a good friend about the job situation and how I was frustrated being home but not being able to work. Then, he gently pointed out the possibility that maybe I was struggling with it so much because I had been finding my worth in my work...it wasn't easy to admit, but I realized that he was right...that was a big part of the problem. It's easy to feel valuable when you're serving in Africa, helping kids walk for the first time, removing tumors that have brought years of pain and criticism, and seeing shame turn to joy...it's easy to feel like you have a purpose when you're part of changing people's lives. But my worth isn't found in what I do...it's in who I am in Christ and what He's already done!

I realize now that even though God has placed a call on my life to be a part of such an incredible ministry, his purpose for me coming home for these three months is not about fitting back into society, having a job, being "successful" by my own terms or by the standards of the world...but, God's purpose for me is to know Him more and to become more like Him...his ultimate goal is for my sanctification. And if that means teaching me to wait on him for a job in order to build my faith a little stronger and give me the opportunity to develop a little more patience, then that's what He's gonna do...

God has often used music in my life to speak to me...and as I was thinking about God's desire to sanctify me and conform me into His image, I began to find that my focus moved from me and my problems to Him and His power...one of my new favorite songs says "Why should I worry? Why do I freak out? God knows what I need" (Your love is strong by Jon Foreman)....and I realized "Yes, God does know what I need and He's already taking care of it...so quit freaking out, Becca."

When we're focused on our circumstances, it's so easy to lose sight of the One who sees our past, present, and future...it's easy to act like we're in control of our lives...we get weighed down by our problems and think that it's up to us to figure things out. But, when we realize how small we are and how big God really is, it is so humbling...God reminded me of how powerful He is through the lyrics of a Christian songwriter:  "I guess I thought that I had figured You out...Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be. The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees. What do I know of You, who spoke me into motion...what do I know of holy? (song by Addison Road).

How is that I think I know better than the God of the universe...that my time table is better than his...am I really that proud to tell God that I'm right and He's wrong and that He needs to fit things into my will...sometimes I come to God like a whiny child, telling him what I want and when I want it...only to find out that His plans are better than mine and He knows best...

Needless to say, God humbled me and showed me that just as he has come through for me in the past, He will come through for me this time, in his own way and his own time. He wanted me to rest during this time...not just physically and emotionally, but to rest spiritually...to rest in Him, knowing that He is a good God who loves me and will take care of me...

So, I stopped whining and worrying and instead found myself resting and trusting...And what do you know? Today I got a call from Phoenix Children's Hospital that my temporary position was approved and I should be able to start working as soon as next week! That was such exciting news to hear, but I wasn't actually too surprised when my boss told me...something just told me that God was gonna come through for me on that one :) I'm not saying that God rewarded me for being patient because clearly, I was not too patient. I'm not saying that God gave me the job because I deserve it, because, like all of the good things He gives me, I don't deserve it. But, he blessed me because He is a good and faithful Father who delights in giving good things to His children...and the more I experience that in my own life, the more I learn to trust Him...because, just like He promised, He always comes through for us!

Home

"Surprise! I'm home!" That was one of the phrases I used the most over the past week...I found out back in June that Mercy Ships was going to let the nurses go home during the ship's generator project in South Africa since the hospital was going to be closed and they weren't going to be needing us for the eye and dental teams (which is what they originally thought they could use the nurses for in SA, but they ended up having enough people without us)....that meant that I would have 3 1/2 months to go home, see family and friends, and get ready for the next year in Sierra Leone (I'm going back in January for the whole outreach).


So, I decided back in June that I'd just come home and surprise everyone...after all, who doesn't love surprises! I only told my sister Joy, who picked me up from the airport last friday when I flew in...we had devised a plan together to have her birthday party the day after I came home so that we could just show up at my parent's house together and surprise all my family at the same time!


Friday, as my plane came into Phoenix, it was very surreal to look at the window and realize that I was home. I was so excited that I could barely stay in my seat...but at the same time, there was a part of me that was fearful for the unknown...I was here, but I wasn't sure what the next 3 1/2 months would hold...


The surprise went well (although it ended up being 3 or 4 separate surprises because of course everyone in my family showed up at different times! :)...there were lots of hugs, a few tears (mostly from my mom...I had a feeling she'd be happy to see me :) and of course a few looks of shock and confusion...one of my favorite moments was when my nephew walked in and saw me, came straight into my arms, started stroking my hair and then held my face and said "I knew you'd come back"...."Of course I came back sweetie," I told him...but then, I guess 8 months seems like an eternity to a 3-year old who can't grasp the concept that he can't ride his bike to Africa to come visit (although he did tell me at one point that he was going to do that!)


I had a great time with my family that day, followed by more fun surprises at church on Sunday night when I just walked in and saw lots of old friends, most of whom had no idea that I was going to be there...it was a fun reunion!


So, it's been a little over a week now that I've been back and while it's been great to see friends and family, there has been a mixture of emotions that have gone through me during this time....I really didn't experience the typical "culture shock" that you expect to have coming back from Africa...I experienced that in South Africa, where I stared in awe at the nice cars, big shopping malls, and all the white people...so, being in a more "westernized" culture in South Africa for a few weeks before coming back helped me transition in that sense...


But, on the other hand, it's always strange to come to a place that you call "home" and find that it isn't quite the way you left it...I know I expected myself to change in Africa, but I guess I didn't really think too much about all the changes that would happen at home...of course, I knew that it wouldn't be exactly the same, but it just kind of hit me all at once...all the new faces at church (I've been going here for 5 years and I don't know half the people anymore!), friends are engaged, married, pregnant, etc....groups of friends have changed, people have changed, families have grown, friends have moved, and my favorite worship leader doesn't sing at my 11am service anymore! I have no idea what people are talking about when they refer to the latest movies, songs, and local news...everything that once seemed so familiar has all of a sudden become a bit foreign and I find myself a little lost in the mix of it all...


You always think that coming "home" will bring a sense of familiarity and comfort, which it has...but, at the same time, there are days that I just want to curl up in my bunk bed and be rocked to sleep by the gentle movement of the ship...or go down the hall and knock on a friend's door and hang out, play games in our mid-ships lounge, tie a crying black baby on my back, or take a ride on a zimi through the dirty, crowded city streets...to me, that crazy, foreign life became familiar and comfortable in Togo...and while there are definitely certain aspects that I don't miss, I do feel like I left a part of my heart in Africa with my "Mercy Ships family" who are still there, my Togolese friends and patients, and inside my big white metal box that I have called "home" for the last 8 months...


Don't get me wrong, I am happy to be back in Arizona...It's been great to see my family and friends and I have been blown away by how supportive and receptive people have been in letting me share about my experiences in Africa...it has been so encouraging to have so many people who genuinely care about what Africa was like, what I was doing on the ship, experiences I had, etc....even people I barely know! That has really helped me to process things a little more and adjust to being back...It has been really great to hear all the "new" songs on the radio (we couldn't download music in Africa), jump in the car and drive (I REALLY missed driving!), and have freedom to go wherever whenever again (and I don't even have to scan out when I leave home ha ha).


But, when you are really busy working and helping people, developing deep relationships with friends (the same ones you live with, work with, travel with, and hang out with almost 24/7), and you are a part of something that is life-changing for others, it is easy to feel purpose and direction in your life...I think the best word to describe the last 8 months of my life would be: full. It has been so fulfilling serving God, seeing lives changed, and developing so many deep relationships with some really amazing people from all over the world.


So, over the last week I've been asking God to show me my purpose in being home...What is it he wants me to do? What is it He wants to teach me? How does He want to use me? I feel like I'm just waiting right now...waiting on a job (things are looking hopeful, but still up in the air with my old hospital), waiting for the next step, waiting to hear His voice...but, then, God reminded me through His word this week that "Those who wait on the Lord will renew their strength" (Isaiah 40:31) I think that waiting is actually much harder than doing...I tell God "I'd rather be busy serving than just waiting around for something, Lord"...but, as hard as it may be, I had a friend remind me that "He makes me lie down" (Psalm 23) for a reason...So, for now, I'm waiting on the Lord, allowing Him to refresh my soul, and trusting Him to bring purpose to this short season of my life before I go back to Africa...I know He has a purpose...He always does...and in His time, I know that He'll make it known to me and I'll look back and see that this season of my life has been just as full as the last.

Deer in Durban

Well, today we left the ship. It was a bit surreal packing up all the boxes to move everything over to Applebosch and watching everyone pile into Landrovers and leave the ship behind....for the next four months while they're doing the shipyard project on the ship, it'll be solid ground for the rest of us! It basically looked like we were moving one HUGE family! There were two big moving trucks that were filled up, two big buses, and lots of Landrovers. It was kind of wierd leaving everyone, even though I know I'll see them in a couple weeks...I'm SO excited for our little vacation in Capetown though!

Becca T and I had made plans to meet a friend of a friend in Durban (it's so nice to have connections)...but there are no taxis inside the port and we were told we wouldn't be able to walk to the main road. So, we loaded up our luggage with one of the families headed to Applebosch and had them drop us off on the "main road"...but unfortunately, it wasn't actually the "main road"...more like a highway in the port...we pretty much were literally "kicked to the curb"...I think our ship driver was just confused because the port is so much bigger in Durban that he really thought we were at the main road...but we were pretty far from it!

So, after waiting about ten minutes at the curb and seeing NO taxis, we decided we should find out if taxis even come on that road...There was a pickup truck for some company helping another truck that had broken down on the side of the road...we asked the man in the first truck about taxis and he said we weren't at the main road and wouldn't find any, but he was happy to give us a lift after they finished fixing the other truck...So, after another few minutes, "Pastor Paul" motioned us back over and we hopped into the bed of the truck (I was SO glad Becca decided we should pray before we started off our adventure!)...After our nice long security briefing on the ship about staying safe and being smart, we were now riding with a stranger in the back of a pickup truck in South Africa...but, we really didn't know what else to do...there was no bank in the port, so we had absolutely no cash (except for US dollars, which is no good in South Africa unless you're at a bank)...we had phones, but no South African SIM cards to call, so that did us no good either...So basically, we were stuck...as we rode along, we just laughed at the situation and hoped one of our buses didn't drive by with a bunch of people wearing horrified looks on their faces! :)

Becca was excited for the ride

We documented the adventure with pictures :)

"Pastor Paul" dropped us off at the main road...we basically looked like we were in the projects...awesome...so, since we didn't have any Rand, we couldn't take the buses...we had to take a private taxi so that they could stop at an ATM...but, after about 20 minutes of standing on the sidewalk wating for a taxi and seeing zero (SO different than the hundreds we saw in Togo), we started to think of other options...and then...voila...out of nowhere, this nice BMW pulls up and we see Isabelle and a few others from the ship! What a relief! The car was packed full because they were heading to the airport, but Isabelle's friend agreed to come pick us up after the airport run...

So, we did some more waiting...and laughing...this would only happen to us :) About forty minutes later, the car returned and we hopped in...

Becca and I in "the projects"

I guess I wasn't really prepared for culture shock in South Africa and the whole "re-entry process" they always talk about...I mean, I know it's a lot nicer and more developed than Togo, but I forgot about the whole western mentality part...Right away, Roger (Isabelle's aunt's friend... I love all our distant connections) starts asking us a bunch of questions about the ship and the work..."You have to PAY to work for them?!! Why do YOU have to pay!"..."How do you make a living? Who supports you? What are you going to do after this"...the questions kept coming...we were being bombarded and our worlds were colliding...It was clear that money was important to this man...I wasn't too surprised when he told us he owned his own business and started talking about his status and things like that...Becca and I were sitting in the back quietly (which is of course almost unheard of for us!), taking it all in, sitting in shock...Wow, this guy just didn't get it...we hadn't expected the culture shock to hit us right away like this!


We made it to our meeting point, thanked Roger for the ride and found Megan waiting patiently (poor girl had to wait an extra long time due to our delays)...She drove us around South Beach and pointed out some fun places, including  Durban stadium, where they held some of the World Cup games...we got out for a bit and walked along the boardwalk....I kinda felt like I was in California...It was a beautiful place!


So, afterward, she had asked if she could drop us off at the mall for a couple of hours because her sister had just had a baby and she wanted to go visit the baby...as we were driving to the mall, Becca and I were taking in the city, staring in shock at all the skyscrapers, nice cars, and all the nice buildings...She dropped us off at Pavilion Mall, which is a HUGE mall...we walked in and just stood there for a minute...where do we go, what do we do...we were like deer in the headlights...So, we just started walking...and staring at all the stores...we only ended up going into a few of them in the entire two hours while we were there...it was just too overwhelming...we decided instead to go to a nice coffee shop and sit and talk...

At the mall

Looking down from the top story at the mall

As we were sitting there inside the mall sipping our lattes, it sort of felt like we were back in the states and had just met up in the mall for a coffee date...It was so nice...but almost didn't feel real! After having a nice chat, we started walking around again and SCORE...we found a candy store! It was kind of like Sweet Factory...we were seriously like little kids in the candy store...it's been a long time since we've had some good sugar! So, we filled up our little bags, took a couple photos (yes, I know we're SUCH tourists) and headed out...

So, tonight I am sitting in Megan's cozy little home, enjoying the little things in life...couches, cats (I'm not even a cat person, but I miss house pets), fresh juice, bathtubs, and solid ground that is not rocking back and forth....

Our cozy house in Capetown

It's funny because even though there are a lot of things that are so exciting to see and experience again, there is a part of me that can't believe we're gonna be living on land for these next few months! There is just something really special about the ship that I absolutely love!


Well, tomorrow Becca and I head to Capetown to spend a couple weeks with an old friend of mine who lives there!  I feel a little more prepared to travel now we have cash and working cell phones! Let the adventures continue!

Sailing fun

Well, it's been over two weeks now that we've been sailing and it's hard to believe that tonight is our last night out on the big blue sea! I love looking out the windows and seeing the ocean waves, watching whales on my lunch breaks, and getting lots of fresh ocean air!

So, what do you do on a 16-day sail to stay busy? Well, there was a range of fun activities, including "sailing movies" like Titanic, The Guardian, and  Pirates of the Carribean...I love watching those kinds of movies during the sail because it really feels like there are special effects..you can feel the ship rocking back and forth and an occasional shudder when we hit the waves...and even the wind blowing on your face (we watched Titanic outside with the projector)...those kind of movies are definitely more exciting during a sail across the ocean!

One weekend, we had the "Mercy Ships Hobnob Olmpics" and had different games at each station, complete with referees and yellow cards and all that fun stuff! Each team dressed up and had a name....our dining room team  (I'm helping out in the dining room for the sail) was named after our fearless leader, Pierette...

Pierette's Possee

Another day, we had a carnival for the kids and I got to help out! It was a lot of fun getting involved and getting to know some more of the kids better!

The temporary tatoos were a big hit!

We even had a pinata!

(this was right after they cracked it open)

Having fun with Max on the bow

And of course, we had lots of whale-watching (no good pics sorry) and even saw dolphins swimming along with the ship out on the bow!

And then, there are always beautiful sunsets to watch and good quiet times with the Lord!

Oh, and I had fun with baby Esther (don't worry, I didn't smuggle her from Togo...she's a crew member's daughter)

Leaving Togo

Well, it's hard to believe that the outreach in Togo has already come to an end! It doesn't seem so long ago that we were sailing into the port, welcomed by lots of excited Africans, singing and playing drums, grateful that we had come to their country to bring hope and healing. So much happened in the last six months...there were moments of excitement as patients looked in the mirror for the first time after surgery to see their new faces, mommas received their babies back with fixed lips and palates, and watched their children walk straight for the first time after their legs were fixed....then, there were times of tragedy, moments when I didn't understand what God was doing or why he had allowed  things to happen...there have been  lots of good times and wonderful memories, as well as heartache and the loss of good friends who have had to say goodbyes...But, through it all, God has been good...He has always proven Himself to be faithful.


The last couple days, I have been reflecting on our time in Togo and all the ways that this outreach has changed me..once again, I have fallen in love with Africa...in a deeper way than before...I just love the warm culture and the joy that radiates  from the African people...especially when they are singing and dancing to God...I love all of the TIA (this is Africa) moments when you experience something that would never happen in the Western world, but is perfectly normal  for Africa...but, most of all, I love being able to make a difference in people's lives and knowing that God has revealed Himself to a patient through me...


It's kinda crazy...we only left Togo four days ago, but I am missing it already...I find myself out  in the middle of the ocean, with Togo miles behind us...and a faint memory of the past....But, even though it has been sad to leave, I am encouraged that our time over the last 6 months has been well-spent...it has been so amazing to be a part of something that has changed so many lives...seeing the physical and spiritual changes in my patients..and in myself...God has grown me in so many ways...I've learned so much about trusting Him, serving others, dealing with conflict resolution (that's a big one when  you live in a tight community!), being a leader, and so many other things...God has definitely been refining me and showing me the areas of my life that I need Him to chip away the rough edges...which has been a humbling, but good process!

I know that South Africa will be significantly different than West Africa...but I'm excited for all that God has in store for us and I know he will continue the refining work that He has begun (Philippians 1:6)

Top 20 things that I loved about living/working on a ship in Togo

1. I can roll out of bed in the morning 5 minutes before I need to be at work...because it takes me about 30 seconds to get there...take a few steps, down a flight of stairs, a few more steps and I'm there!

2. At any given moment, patients may burst out in songs, someone starts playing the drums, and voila: a dance party breaks out in the middle of the ward!

3. I occasionally got to have church together with my patients...and also got to play volleyball with the ones who were staying at the hospitality center (after they were discharged from the hospital...those who lived far away and needed to come back for dressing changes stayed there)

4. One hour of my shift was spent out on Deck 7 with the patients...taking in the sunshine, enjoying a beautiful view of the beach, and occasionally singing worship songs together!

5. At the beginning of every shift, we start the day off right by praying together!

6. Seeing the before and after surgery pictures....and the smiles that followed as the patients experienced  physical (and often emotional and spiritual) transformations

7. It takes approximately 1 minute to get to: the post office, church, work, the coffee shop, the bank, the store (ship shop), the internet cafe, or to my friends' "houses"....because it's all on the ship :)

8. On those lovely nights that my friends and I decided to run on the dock, we would be joined by mice and cockroaches, which would inevitably get in the way of our jogging path every time...simple things like going for a run are so much more interesting when you live in Africa!

9. When walking down the street, you will almost always see a small child who happily greets you with "yovo, yovo  bon swa" (good afternoon, foreigner)...with which you are supposed to reply "sava bien, merci" (I'm fine, thank you)

10. Someone cooks for me and cleans up the dishes after every meal! There are very few other places where you'll find that!

11. The most effective way to leave someone a message is done with a sticky note on their door! (let's be honest, getting a text just isn't as fun as finding a sticky on  your door...and our phones don't work here anyway!)

12. I live/work with people from all over the world (US, Canada, Honduras, Dominican Republic, England, Holland, Germany, Italy, Ghana, Liberia, South Africa, Nepal, Australia, New Zealand...to name a few...I'm still missing a bunch)

13. I can wear flip-flops to work :)

14. There is always someone around to socialize with....even at the oddest hours of the night!

15. If I ever need to clear my head and get some fresh air, I can just go up to Deck 8 and have a nice view of the beach!

16. I can get a frappucino for less than a dollar (and it's real Starbucks coffee too!)..You can't do any better than that!

17. Lots of smiles, hugs and "I love you's" from the kiddos!

18. If a baby on the ward started to cry, I would just wrap them on my back and continue going about the day...worked  like a charm every time! (The African mommas trained me well :)

19. Mercy Ships became so well  known, especially in Lome...people would see us walking down the street and just say "Mercy Ships! Thank you!"...Also, crossing the Ghana and Benin borders was super easy...they would look at your Mercy Ships badge, say "Mercy Ships!" and stamp your passport!

20. The people I work with are also the people I eat with, live with, and travel around Africa with...it's easy to get close when you spend time together 24/7!