Finding hope

Over the last couple weeks, it has been great to be back on the ship and working on the wards. I have been working in D Ward with the maxillo-facial patients, which is quite different than the orthopedic and plastics patients I was caring for last year. Thankfully, the experience I had in caring for max/fax patients in 2010 has slowly come back to me and it all doesn't feel so foreign anymore.

One of the amazing things that I love about Max/Fax is that there is such a drastic visible difference after large tumors are removed...and the infamous Dr. Gary Parker who does the surgeries comes by not only to check on how the patients are doing, but also to offer words of encouragement and inspiration to the staff. And we also have the most children on our ward!

One of the little ones who recently captured my heart was Gloria. Gloria had a large tumor on her right eye known as Retinoblastoma. I've taken care of kids in the States who have had this, but had never seen it as large as Gloria's. The day she came in to have surgery, things were all a bit of a whirlwind. Typically, we admit patients the day before surgery, but Gloria came in the same morning of her surgery. So, the minute she got to the ward, we had to rush to get everything done to prepare her for the OR, as she was the first case.

After finding out about my surprise admission, I tried to keep Gloria as calm as possible as I drew her blood and scrubbed her down in the shower with our special surgical soap. In spite of my efforts to be as gentle and friendly as possible, Gloria did nothing but cry. I'm sure she was terrified....and rightfully so. I imagine that the typical four-year old boarding a big ship for the first time, being surrounded by strangers with a different color skin who speak a different language and stick needles into their body would be scared out of their mind. So in spite of my colorful kid-friendly scrubs, distraction toys, and calming techniques, there was very little hope for me that Gloria and I would become friends. We finished up all the pre-operative cares and I walked down with Gloria and her momma to the entrance of the operating room corridor. We met the OR nurse and said a prayer together for Gloria and her surgery. As the OR nurse carried our frightened little one to the operating room, Gloria's mother gave me a big hug. Her little girl was going to have another chance at living a normal life.

Gloria's surgery took several hours and my shift ended before she had returned to the ward. But, a couple days later, I was reunited with that sweet little one...but, this time she didn't have a frightened look on her face. She was playing happily with a smile on her face. She let me look at her new eye and when I made a fishy face, she leaned in to give me a fishy kiss. I couldn't believe it. I was sure she would hate me for torturing her when she had first arrived....but kids are so forgiving. But we were friends now and she became my little shadow. Over the next several days, Gloria and I had fun together with bubbles, playdough, piggy-back rides, and storytime. When I would come back from my dinner break, the other nurses would tell me they were happy to see me because Gloria needed some entertainment.

Gloria and I on Deck 7



Gloria was healing up nicely and her momma had completed all the teaching she needed for home, so within a week, little Gloria was ready for discharge. I was sad to see her leave. Who would hang onto my legs during handover and beg me to read them a story now? Even though I selfishly wanted to keep her on the ward, I knew it was time for her to go home. I gave her one last hug and kiss and said goodbye. She no longer saw me as a scary yovo, but as a friend. And I was grateful for the opportunity to witness a beautiful transformation and the visible hope that she and her momma now have.

Back to my floating home

Walking down the gangway in December and saying goodbye to the ship was a heart-wrenching experience...I knew I would come back, I just wasn't sure when. But when God has placed a passion and calling on your life, you can't ignore it for long. Within the first month that I was home, God made it clear that I was supposed to go back to the ship and serve in Togo, the first country where I worked with Mercy Ships. My 3 1/2 months at home was filled with lots of good times with friends and family, lots of sweet moments with my nieces and nephews, and many divine appointments with patients and coworkers at my job at Phoenix Children's. I know that God had a purpose in my time at home and I was so grateful for the precious gift of sharing it with so many loved ones. He used it to refresh me, refocus my heart, and remind me of my passion for serving in Africa.

Thursday night, I could barely contain my excitement as my plane landed in Togo. I was greeted by friends at the airport, followed by more friends at the gangway, then a bunch more at the main reception area of the ship. I was showered with hugs, cards, and kind words of how I had been missed...it was a great homecoming. It was a bit surreal walking back on the ship, but in many ways it felt as though I had never left.

I feel like the last few days have been sort of like one big family reunion...I am constantly running into old friends and Togolese dayworkers, catching up on life and sharing about all God has done in the last year. I can't but help think that this is a bit of what heaven will be like...one big reunion with people we love, sharing of God's goodness and faithfulness...and I'm pretty sure it brings a smile to His face to see it.

I jumped back into work on the ward on Saturday, feeling a little lost as I'm working in a different ward than before....but so much is the same as it was when I left...the patients are still grateful for the surgeries they've had, the mommas still love singing and dancing, the babies still love being wrapped up on my back, and God is still very present in this place.

Tonight, I got to watch a momma light up as she brought  her 4-month old baby boy into the ward. Tomorrow his cleft lip will be made whole...and now there is hope in his mother's eyes. I got to cheer up a little boy who was sad that he still has to get food from a tube instead of his mouth...I reassured him that he will be able to eat from his mouth soon enough then tickled him until his frown turned into uncontrollable laughter. A few minutes later, a small baby girl was crying because her momma is still recovering from surgery and can't give her all the attention she needs. I picked her up and tied her onto my back as the other patients and caregivers watched. As I finished tying her snugly in her lapa, the patients began to applaud...maybe they thought I figured it out on my own since yesterday was the first time they all saw me...they don't know I've had two years to practice :) Either way, it made my heart happy and the little one on my back quickly became quiet and content.

I had to stop for a moment and take it all in...and then it hit me: my heart is truly alive again! This is where I belong and where I am most fulfilled, living out the calling that God has placed on my life....and I am so thankful that He brought me back here...because it is here that I discover the joy of serving him to my full potential!